Why was the accountant in rehab? Solvency abuse. If an accountant’s wife cannot sleep, what does she say? “Darling, could you tell me about your work.”. What do accountants do for fun? Add the telephone book!. Did you hear about the deviant Forensic Accountant? He got his client’s charges reduced from gross indecency to net indecency. What’s an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humour. Why did the accountant stare at his glass of orange juice for three hours? Because on the box it said Concentrate. Why don’t old accountants die? They just lose their balance!. Why do accountants get excited at the weekends? Because they can wear casual clothes to work. Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls. Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter. How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold a road map the wrong way. What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost. Did you hear about the constipated CFO? He couldn’t budget with his calculator so he had to work it out with a pencil and paper. What do you call an accountant who says he’s posted a one-sided journal? A liar!! Under Sarbox rules it just can’t happen! Can it?!!. Have you heard the joke about the interesting accountant? No. Did you hear about the cannibal CPA? She charges an arm and a leg. Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting. What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? Lazy. What music is played at a financial accountant’s funeral? The Last Post. What’s an accountant’s favourite book? 50 Shades of Grey. Did you hear about the fraudulent Irish Finance Director? He burned his office down trying to cook the books. What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? The accountant knows he’s boring. Why don’t accountants read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers. Why did the cannibal accountant get disciplined? For buttering up her clients. “Marry an accountant,” suggested the doctor. A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live. What is the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him. What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant. Why do accountants make good lovers? They’re great with figures. What’s grey and not there? An accountant on vacation. Why did God invent economists? So accountants could have someone to laugh at. 
How do you know when an accountant is on holiday? He doesn’t wear a tie and comes in after 8am!.What is the definition of “accountant”? Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.What does an accountant say when boarding a train? ‘Mind the GAAP’.What’s an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.Why was the accountant so excited that he completed a jigsaw puzzle in only 59 weeks? Because on the box it said 8-12 Years.What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? It’s 9.18 am and 12 seconds no wait – 13 seconds, no wait – 14 seconds, no wait…….There are just two rules for creating a successful accountancy business: 1.
Why do economists exist? So accountants have someone to laugh at.What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t? Depreciation.She went to see her fitness trainer to talk about stretch targets. Did you hear about the blonde Management Accountant?.How does an accountant stay out of debt?.We put together the slide show with the jokes, because it’s more fun to read them that way, but you can also check them out below. Do not share this article with any non-accountants because they will roll their eyes and make fun of you… Warning: this list contains 7 very NERDY jokes. As summer winds down and everyone starts bracing themselves for another tax season, we’ve got a way to keep things fun in your firm… prepare yourself for the top 77 best accounting jokes.
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